Buddy Lashes Back

I found Dooley deep in the darkest corner of a windowless dive bar in Old Town yesterday afternoon. He was nursing a Crown Royal and a beer back. He initially ducked under his table when I walked in. I coaxed him out with the offer of another round.

TS: Where were you today? For that matter, where were you last weekend? Why do you tell me you're going to show up and host Round Bend Hour and then flake off?

BD: That's none of your concern... (long pause) Would it satisfy you to hear I've been sick? With the flu, or something like it?

TS: You're a little sick in the head, that's all. What do you have? Ennui? Malaise? Angst?

BD: I consider those unavoidable conditions of modernity. You know, you come off looking like an ass when you pressure me. Particularly when you say those rotten things about me on air.

TS: I'm tired of having to alibi for you.

BD: Fine! (hoisting his glass) Cheers...

TS: Where do we go from here, Buddy?

BD: I have a suggestion for you, pal. Get a gun, load it, point it toward your temple, squeeze...

TS: Tsk...Tsk...

BD: Get off my back.

TS: But you wanted to be on the radio. You said, "Yes, yes, yes..."

BD: Like Molly Bloom!

TS: Exactly!

(long silence)

BD: The radio seduces, stirs longings, conjures magnificent love, clairvoyance, hope.

TS: But you spurn love and hope. And you're no clairvoyant, that is for sure.

BD: I don't like you, TS.

TS: You don't like yourself. Learn to love yourself, Buddy. Learn to be one with...

BD: Don't say it...

TS: The universe.

BD: So you're attacking Boehner now? Does that make you feel manly? Does that make up for some obvious inadequacies in your life? What's the deal with that? I like Boehner. Seems like a reasonable man. Very patriotic. Very pro-family. Pro-marriage. Pro-money.

TS: He's a corporate shill.

BD: They all are, TS. He's just better at it than the others. He won the war in the trenches.

TS: I don't want to talk about Boehner.

BD: You want to talk football, don't you?

TS: Can they do it?

BD: No.

TS: Why not?

BD: Too much pressure. It's mounting. You feel it. They feel it. The coaches feel it. Something will go wrong. Look at Costa. Hurt his leg. That's not a good sign.

TS: Yeah, ouch...

BD: You agree with me? My, you are a pessimist...

TS: What do you really believe, Buddy?

BD: I don't care.

TS: What?

BD: You heard me. I don't care.

TS: I don't believe that.

BD: I don't care about your Ducks. I don't care about your radio show. I don't care how you feel about Boehner.

TS: Why do I talk to you? Why did I just buy you a drink?

BD: Because you are the idiot, TS.

(long silence)

TS: Are you going to watch my cameo Wednesday night at the Blackbird Wineshop?

BD: Ha...ha...ha...

TS: Fuck off, Buddy.

BD: Ha...ha...ha...

(click)

TS

Poverty and Prisons

James Carroll contributes this astute Boston Globe piece on the failure of the U.S.
prison system.

Read the comments section, particularly "siouxrose," who writes (in part):

"This wounded and wounding nation is equally committed to bringing the same punitive measures to those residing in foreign lands. In those instances, the brutal, deadly efforts are also hidden behind PR and word-camouflage. The most popular (and outrageous) are those which conflates the gifts of freedom, democracy, and/or liberation with the unmasking of sheer, raw campaigns of terror."



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Boehner More Corrupt Than Gingrich?

Read all about it!

This from the Independent, the greatest newspaper in the world.

Another Independent voice.

And Patrick's big brother chimes in.

While Ishmael Reed exposes the real Eisenhower.

I needed a dose of reality. Perhaps you did too.

TS

Out Sick

Whatever it is that's going around, I've got it.

I'm sick (in the old-fashioned sense).

TS

Idiot of the Week (John Boehner)

Round Bend Press is pleased to announce another Idiot of the Week Award. He is your shit clown, America. Enjoy!

John Boehner in His Own Words

And that is why marriage and family law has emphasized the importance of marriage as the foundation of family, addressing the needs of children in the most positive way.

The Truth: Unmarried people are not automatically incapable of addressing the needs of children.

Before the trip began we mapped out three primary goals: 1) to see and meet with our American troops, and thank them for their bravery and sacrifice; 2) to assess the security situation in Iraq; and 3) to give our support to Iraq's national unity government.

The Truth: The U.S. created a puppet government in the Middle East that has neither secured the country nor created a consensus.

During the 1990s, world leaders looked at the mounting threat of terrorism, looked up, looked away, and hoped the problem would go away.

The Truth: Let's allow that this is an over generalized assumption and nothing more.

Each and every day, Israel's very existence is at stake.

The Truth: Israel has brought much of its misery upon itself.

House Republicans want to pass a strong border security, illegal immigration bill. We want a bill. There is no ifs, ands or buts about it.

The Truth: America is a highly racist society.

I am not for raising taxes on the American people in a soft economy.

The Truth: Tax cuts for the wealthy do not generate jobs.

I talked to a lot of employers who just are, are fearful of what's coming next out of Washington. It's all the spending, it's all the debt. It's their national energy tax, they want to call it cap and trade - more mandates, higher costs, more taxes. Their health care bill - more mandates, higher costs, higher taxes.

The Truth: Boehner is representing the Fortune 500 companies that run the show but employ fewer people overall than small businesses. Ordinary workers in small businesses cannot afford health care.

I think the government should do everything they possibly can to, to bring this crisis to an end; and that means going after BP, enforcing the laws that are on the books, and restoring the gulf to its original condition.

The Truth: Duh!

It's easy to kick somebody when they're down. George W. Bush has dealt with more difficult issues than any president since Franklin Roosevelt. And I've told my colleagues it's time that we go stand up for the president.

The Truth: George W. Bush came into power with a booming economy and created his own expensive problems by starting two wars. This statement is the height of obfuscation. Boehner would have disagreed with the New Deal, obviously.

It's pretty clear that over the last three months the economy has paused. And it's also pretty clear the American people are still demanding and asking the question, 'Where are the jobs?' And the reason we don't have new jobs is because of the job-killing agenda pursued by President Obama and his allies in the Congress.

The Truth: The oligarchs are smirking.

Make no mistake, a 'yes' vote on the Democrats' health care bill is a vote for taxpayer-funded abortions.

The Truth: Boehner is anti-choice.

Most recently, terrorist forces have captured Israeli soldiers and fired rockets into Israeli cities - both unprovoked. These acts of aggression deserve the rapid and decisive response they received.

The Truth: Unwanted new settlements aren't a provocation?

Mr. President, the buzz saw that your health care bill ran into wasn't lobbyists and special interests it was tens of millions of Americans who were saying, 'Stop!'

The Truth: The truth hurts, stings, in light of the millions of uninsured in the U.S., you mean.

No, let's make sure that people understand that this is a very important war that is helping to protect us here at home. And that we have no choice but to win it. As difficult as it is.

The Truth: The dual wars has exacerbated terror and are not winnable.

Our freedoms were born in the ideals of the Enlightenment and the musket fires of an historic revolution.

The Truth: This is a corruption of the historiography of the American Revolution.

Our manifesto, whatever it will be called, will come from the people who are really in charge of this country, and that's the American people.

The Truth: The American people? Ha! All this time I thought it was the oligarchy!

Protecting the institution of marriage safeguards, I believe, the American family.

The Truth: No one I know of is trying to destroy marriage. Well, my brother may be, but I don't blame him. His wife is a wingnut.

Since its first day as a nation, Israel has lived under a cloud of aggression from militant extremists and hostile neighboring governments.

The Truth: The British Mandate failed.

Spending time with America's soldiers is always inspiring.

The Truth: Boehner joined the Navy, retired eight weeks later with a "bad back."

Stem cell research must be carried out in an ethical manner in a way that respects the sanctity of human life.

The Truth: For years the U.S. government used American soldiers as guinea pigs for "research" purposes. This statement is in reality an obfuscation regarding abortion.

Studies show that children best flourish when one mom and one dad are there to raise them.

The Truth: Can we get back to reality for a moment? Every single study?

The aggressive, unprovoked acts of violence against Israel by Hezbollah and Hamas are revealing. It is clear they don't want peace, but rather seek the ultimate destruction of Israel.

The Truth: Violence begets violence.

The American people are screaming at the top of their lungs to Washington, 'Stop! Stop the spending, stop the job-killing policies.' And yet, Democrats in Washington refuse to listen to the American people.

The Truth: Thank the gods for unemployment insurance.

The job of training an Iraqi police force is one of the most important tasks being undertaken in Operation Iraqi Freedom. It is also one of the most difficult.

The Truth: And now there is a new murderous police force in Baghdad. Hooray!

The United States and Israel have a unique relationship based on our mutual commitment to democracy, freedom, and peace. Therefore, just as our commitment to these principles must be steadfast, so must our support for Israel.

The Truth: Really, in this era of endless war, declining democracy and withering freedoms? Uh?

The United States did not choose to fight Islamic extremists. These terrorists chose to fight our way of life. They chose to challenge our existence.

The Truth: Take a cold shower, Boehner. And don't forget your morning douche.

The value of the majority lies not in the opportunity to wield great power, but in the chance to use power to do great things.

The Truth: Any suggestions, John?

They have called Operation Iraqi Freedom a war of choice that isn't part of the real war on terror. Someone should tell that to al Qaeda.

The Truth: John, why not tell Al Qaeda to just shut its big fat mouth?

They know the importance of their mission and of America's commitment to combating and defeating terrorism abroad, and they know that they are making a real difference in bringing freedom to a part of the world that has known only tyranny.

The Truth: A lot of them are uneducated and simply couldn't find a decent job and joined the military. Others are simply trying to figure out who they are.

This resolution simply says Israel has the right to defend itself. This includes conducting operations both inside its borders and in the territory of nations that threaten it, which is in accordance with international law.

The Truth: Ha! Ha! You crack me up, John. You're concerned about international law? Ha!

We can continue to make significant strides in the scientific community by exploring new stem cell research methods that do not include destroying human embryos.

The Truth: Let us not limit the possibilities inherent in science based on some fantasy of faith.

We have no stronger ally anywhere in the world than Israel.

The Truth: Has Great Britain heard about this?

While 45 of the 50 States have either a State constitutional amendment or a statute that preserves the current definition of marriage, left-wing activist judges and officials at the local levels have struck down State laws protecting marriage.

The Truth: See above Truth.

Why don't we stop the stimulus spending? There's still about $400 billion or $500 billion of the stimulus plan that has not been spent. Why don't we stop it? It's not working.

The Truth: I need an influx of cash. Got any?

Will we fight or will we retreat? That is the question that is posed to us. Some of my friends on the other side of the aisle often refer to Iraq as a distraction.

The Truth: You have no friends and you are the distraction.

Working Americans who believe in our country and who believe in our Constitution are saying, 'Enough is enough!'

The Truth: Problem is too few of them are working.


John Boehner is clearly an idiot and deserving of our award. Right?

TS

John Mayall

John Mayall will turn 77 later this month, so Round Bend Hour has decided to go with a tribute to this revered English blues master on Sunday's (2-4) show.
Happy birthday, John! We'll play Turning Point, your 1969 masterpiece, featuring that old chestnut "Room to Move," one of the greatest blues compositions of all time.

Here's to your continued health and well-being...

Read a short bio of Mayall here.


TS

Where's Dooley? (RBH Suffers Setback)

Has anyone seen Buddy Dooley? He did a very bad thing yesterday. After promising me on a stack of bibles that he would show up and host Round Bend Hour, he disappeared (again). Is he still pissed that I mocked him in a cameo role in the upcoming (and terrific) "The Farewell Wake," the latest from Portland State University adjunct English/Screenwriting professor, Charles Deemer?

Frankly, Buddy now has me worried. I would like people around the world to pay attention. Look out for this man (child?), Dooley. I'm uncertain what he may be up to, but something tells me it may be sketchy.

Buddy is 60, and stands 4' 9." He looks young, say 8 or 9, has a gap-toothed grin, a mop of light-brown hair (or he may have shaved his head or donned a white wig to change his appearance), and he likes science and science fairs.

Authorities are hesitant to say, but all indications are they suspect foul play.

If you are reading this in India, Sri Lanka, or the heartland of the U.S., be particularly vigilant as you watch for the little man (child?).

This much I know--Buddy is a University of Southern California football fan. Consider that in light of the Trojans' humiliating defeat at the hands of the Mighty Oregon Ducks on Saturday--a terrible depression may have swept Buddy into the curlicue of madness that is prevalent among SoCal football fanatics these days, as they are distressed by the recent fortune of their once dominate football program.

It would not surprise be if directly after the harrowing loss to the Ducks Buddy boarded a jet for New Zealand.

I anxiously await the response of anyone who may glimpse the specter of Buddy, or someone like him. Every lead will be treated with utmost care and consideration as this hunt for the man (child?) unfolds.

I'm serious.

TS

Weird Feeling

I don't like the feel of the setup in L.A. tonight. Maybe I'm just a natural pessimist (there really is no maybe about it), but I think Oregon will fall tonight. I hope I'm wrong, but something just doesn't feel right.

Maybe I'll change my mind before kickoff.

Football fans are irrational. We put irrational hope in games--silly games of violence and speed. We sometimes forget the games are meaningless entertainments, something to fill the void in every fan's life.

For a very few the games are a livelihood, to be sure. But for most people, their value degenerates by bedtime.

This has been an extraordinary season for the Oregon program. I'd like to see its good fortune continue. We'll know more at bedtime tonight.

TS

Solid Luck

Just in time for the start of the World Series tonight, there is this remarkable baseball-related story.

TS

"Farewell" Trailer

Here is a trailer for Charles Deemer's latest digital feature, The Farewell Wake.

Pure chaos, it reminds me of Robert Altman, who famously used improvised scenes in many of his films. The method reveals and accentuates the natural disorder and attendant white noise-voices in any large gathering.

This "noise" is one of the reasons I tend to avoid large parties in real life. Too much is going on to comprehend. If I do go to a party, I tend to slip off to a corner alone, or with one or two others, just to reclaim my equilibrium.

What Deemer accomplishes here, concerning a fictional instance, would also reasonably provide a second antidote for such a real life scenario. Grab a camera, jump in as the silent interlocutor, and flesh out meaning later.

I'm looking forward to seeing the full movie. What fun!


TS

Lee Santa's Portfolio

More work by Post Falls, Idaho photographer Lee Santa.

I was lucky enough to know this guy in the '70s in Northwest Portland. One of his photos graces the cover of the Round Bend Press edition of Cold Eye: A Generation of Voices, an anthology of poetry, prose and interviews, which I recently put up at lulu.com.

Truly amazing work from a brilliant photog and basketball junkie. Check out his latest portfolio here.

TS

BCS My Ass

Everybody who isn't making a buck through the BCS system of determining a college football national champion would like to see an 8 team playoff, and here is a superb story about why it ought to happen.

The BCS system is a joke.

Only it ain't funny.

There are 7 unbeaten teams left in Division 1 football. At season's end there might be as many as five.

A computer decides who's best? Bullshit.


TS

My Star Vehicle

Look very closely at the pictures on this DVD box. See that guy right square in the middle with the bald head, holding a sheet of paper? See him? Take a close look. That guy is me.

That's right. I'm in this movie by Charles Deemer, which will premier at the Blackbird Wine Shop on November 10, at 7 p.m.!

I have a cameo role, which if you really think about it is another way of saying I have star power. I give quite a performance in the movie, playing my subaltern, Buddy Dooley, who calls himself a poet and dislikes one of the other characters in the story. A very true to life scenario.

The entire story is a twisting, turning tale of chaos and...and...well, actually I don't know what happens in the movie because it was all in Deemer's mind to begin with. There was no script. The entire movie was improvised, with parameters, of course.

Watch for this sucker on the Internet. It's going to propel me into a Hollywood (or Indy) film career.

You just wait.

Deemer has made several interesting comments about the creative process on this project at his blog recently.


Check 'em out. Check me out. I'm cool.


TS

Lonnie and Mose

We are about 2 hours 'til showtime on Round Bend Hour (see link above).

The lineup today is straight ahead blues and jazz--maybe a little country thrown in. I'll start the show off with Lonnie Johnson (1899-1970), the highly influential (Elvis loved him) blues/jazz guitarist and singer who was born in Orleans Parish, New Orleans. He was raised in a family of musicians and said of the experience, "There was music all around us, and in my family you'd better play something, even if you just banged on a tin can."

Being a highly trained musician, Johnson was able to prolong his career by moving easily among musical genres and became a player in demand in the U.S., Europe and Canada. But for long stretches in his career he was ignored and had to keep a series of menial side jobs to make ends meet.

He moved from Philly to Toronto in 1965 and eventually opened a club there, but the business eventually failed and he had to sell. He continued to work for the interests that bought the club, but he was eventually fired after an argument with the new owner.

In 1969, Johnson was struck by a car on a Toronto street. Walking with a cane, he performed his final show with Buddy Guy at Massey Hall on Feb. 23, 1970. He died of a stroke in the late spring of that year and was buried in Toronto.

It is said that the great musician died broke.

Now, isn't that an unlikely story?

-------------------------------------------

Others I may play today:

Freddie King

Mose Allison

Charlie Mingus

Do tune in, folks.

TS

The Clanging Cell Door

I visited with K.C. Thursday evening while watching the Oregon/UCLA game. He gave me permission to post this wry, humorous essay here.

Thanks, K.C. This is good stuff.


IN DEFENSE OF BACHELORS


Walter Bagehot, the famed English journalist, once described a bachelor as "a kind of amateur in life who doesn't care." With that slapdash thought Bagehot demoted such luminaries as that singular man from Nazareth, Ludwig van Beethoven, Sir Isaac Newton, Eugene Delacroix, Meriwether Lewis, a horde of Greek philosophers - with the notable exception of hen-pecked Socrates - and countless other genial artisans to the status of secondary life achiever. Can we really think of Giacomo Casanova as a secondary life achiever?

But then Mr. Bagehot was a pre-modern man, a British Victorian whose commentary was at that time was doubtlessly considered insightful and funny by people whose human doings ultimately required child labor laws to be enacted. His idea seems now as epoch bound as King Tut's man tits. I suspect that if we beamed Bagehot forward in time he would appear to us now in the manner of someone like, say…Gore Vidal: word-witty but still an ass (and, I believe, in Mr. Vidal's case, a bachelor ass).

Sorry, Mr. Bagehot: your pronouncement just doesn't jive today, if indeed it ever did. Bachelors in the modern era (we call them "singles) are not so much uninitiated in the rituals of companionship as they are loosed from companionship's rotted moorings. They are, to turn a phrase, significantly un-othered (rhymes moderately with "un-tethered"); in other words, untied and free. Consider for a moment the sound of the cell door clanging in the term, wedlock.

Obviously, vast numbers of men and women seek the safe emotional harbor of belonging to another, that personal leeward anchor from which we shield our tremoring vessel from a weather-beating God. But what does that really point to? Lemmings seek safety, too. We necessarily recognize that at some point every safe harbor is also a prison, and all cargo - even emotional baggage - is subject to being jettisoned when, as Shakespeare's sonnet has it, "nature's changing course untrims."

The majority of my acquaintances and friends have been married (or its illegitimate equivalent) once or twice or thrice; believe me, they are anything but amateurs in life. In fact, quite the opposite. Some of them are virtual professionals at previous bliss. They care immensely about relationships. Perhaps that's why they've had so many. One may well ask why is it that so many bachelors (men and women) find their bachelorhood a culminating event in their lives, a sort of reward for having toiled so in the infertile fields of contemporary companion-seeking. It may be that bachelors consider their single status one of life's honorariums, much like retirement's gold watch or a bonus vacation. Free at last!

"But what of the family unit" cries the shackled masses? I submit that much of what passes as "family values" today is as T. S. Eliot suggested in a not altogether dissimilar context, "better seen in the agony of others than in ourselves." And does anyone really need reminding that those most vocal on behalf of the ultra-familialists are a lynch mob of pandering politicians? Surely this culturally simplistic bleating, this boorishness, is amateurity's epitome

Rather, we should honor those who choose instead to focus on the improvement of the species rather than the ruination of it. We should honor our single siblings because theirs is nothing less than a social awakening infused with actual decency, perhaps even enlightenment itself.

Yes, God truly blesses self-actualizing single. (How else to describe a cartoon free Saturday listening to Boz Scaggs and Mozart, a morning without the need to utter something along the lines of "don't ask so many questions, sweetheart - go back to bed.")

Let us not think of the bachelor as a solitary creature woefully staring at the walls of his cave. He is not that slow beast. Instead, he is socially endowed, frequenting public places and sharing with fellow convivialists (most of whom, married and parental, look to the bachelor for guidance) opinions on a vast array of topics he knows a lot about due to so much uninterrupted time devoted to scholarship. For bachelors are almost always politically astute and culturally aware. You would be hard-pressed, for example, to find a bachelor who is not a devotee of reason. Listen to him discourse on the subject of divorce. Indeed, so many bachelors have first hand knowledge of divorce it would be egregious and unwise not to heed their learned counsel regarding it. And it is important here to remember that the divorce trade, a loose commerce comprised largely of attorney's fees, counseling sessions, and real estate brokers has industry functions along the same lines as long establish commercial enterprises like the Hanseatic League or the Mafia.

Yes, the bachelor, God's intimate emotional traveler, knows a lot about a lot of very important stuff. In fact, heavenly consideration being what it is, if the Inca Civilization had sacrificed bachelors instead of virgins, they might still be in business.


K.C. Bacon

TS